well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
