your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
