NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
