Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
