All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
