I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
