we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
