This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I could make wine with my vomit
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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