i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
