So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
