She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
