we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
