I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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