so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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