My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
