I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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