so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
