bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Alive.
So much puke
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
