I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
