All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
