it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
