So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize