so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
