its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
