ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
