I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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