two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
