dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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