so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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