I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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