Sry I called you an 8
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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