TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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