I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
