so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
