she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He better not be in your backpack
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
