8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I still have a little drunk in my system
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
