we're blogging at a bar
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
