i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
