we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't deserve a penis
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
