Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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