mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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