dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
