yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
