And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
