Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
