My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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