You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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