true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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