I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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