Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
my poor anus
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
